Lately I have been getting a bit angry at the Christian community for their behavior. But not too long ago I was part of that community, in a sense. I thought like them, tried to act like them & spoke the same as them – the good & the hate. I admit I still think a bit like them in some ways but I recognize some of the dysfunctional thinking and trying to correct it.
When I belonged to a church down south, I love to sing every Sunday. I was my way of having that special time with God. Now the church I belonged to had a mixed of everyone – rich, poor, drug addicts etc. I liked that – to me it was how it was to be. I mean – Jesus cared for the prostitute as well! No one cared – you were there to worship God.
But something happened along the way. My cousin was very involved with the church music program, and though I was not part of the Sunday singers, I was able to sing almost every other Sunday as a “special”. During this time I met a wonderful man, who later turned out to become my husband. He was of a different faith, which I did not care because I was strong with mine. God gave us free will that is what I was taught & so it was his choice for eternal damnation for not believing in Christ. :) He would occasionally come to church with me to hear me sing but did not believe at all in my path. He was a good man!
He ended up moving in with me due to the fact that he & his roommates were evicted when the landlord sold their apartment bldg. Not having anywhere to go, he came with me. This did not go over well with my cousin – who never asked about my living arrangement, only saw a piece of his mail on my kitchen table. 2 weeks after that he took me aside and told me that since my boyfriend was living with me, I could not sing at church anymore because I was to be a role model and living in sin was a no-no. I was devastated! I mean – the joy I felt singing to my God – I cannot describe it. And it was gone. Meanwhile – other members in the band had their indiscretions (teenage pregnancy for one) but I was chosen to be the example.
I never went back to church after that. I was humiliated. In this day & age – the scarlet letter was applied to me. Years later – my cousin would leave that same church because it became a bit too radical. My husband stated it right – “All of that belief he had, all of that stuff he did to you in the name of his belief. It means nothing now. It was all a joke.” And it’s true. To do that to a family memeber, to crush her spirit & then to walk away should be a sin itself.
But it happens all the time in Christianity – just look around. I mean, they picket in front of HIV clinics, abortion clinics condemning those inside. These are the people that need love the most. Honestly – do you think that all women want to have an abortion? Do you really think they make this decision on the fly – NO!! It is something that they will live with forever. They need understanding & compassion not anger. Do you think that gay man who walk out of the clinic with his positive HIV test needs to hear how he is going to hell for being a homosexual? NO – he needs love & compassion for his world just fell apart. I get so tired of reading the Bible verses on twitter or Facebook from people & then 3 posts later they talk about how they got trashed the other night or post a questionable photo. Or I personally know how they are in person – mean people.
It’s funny, I was once told, from a Christian, that sin is sin in God’s eyes. Each time a Christian condemns someone for their lifestyle choice they are committing a sin – God is the only person who can judge sin. But they do not seem to see it that way.
Now, I am not Christian hating here, though it may seem like it. I respect those that have their beliefs as long as it does not impede mine. I get very frustrated with the singular view many have. I am ashamed that I was like that and sometime still am. I am growing, slowly but surely.